fruityfun

Well life isn't getting any better cause at lunch I found out that Jerry and Kyle got back together. What really pisses me off about that is when Jerry and I were together, I asked him if he still wanted to go out with Kyle and if he still had feelings for her. He said that he feels like Kyle is a sister to him and he wanted to be with me. Well he is a fucking lyer. He got together with her. Why did I even get together with him. I am so stupid! I'm never going to let a guy do that to me ever again. I wish my mom was here right now, cause I need to talk to her. I don't know if I could talk to Russ about it. Tonight I might be going to the movies with some of my friends. I need something to take my mind off of the things going on in my life. I was thinking of drinking, but everyone tells me that I shouldn't, the only person that understands is Russ. But what am I suppose to do when Russ is Jerry's dad. How am I suppose to talk to him about this. I'm never going to say to a guy that I love him ever again. Right now I'm suppose to be doing Biology, but my life problems are more important right now. I knew they were going to get back together, it was just a matter of time. That's probably why we broke up this week. He wanted to get together with Kyle. I don't think I could be friends with Kyle ever. It would be too hard. I'm never going to sit at the table again. I'm so doing what Kristi does with guys. At least that way I won't have to have my heart broken again. Why won't this class go any faster. Why can't life get any better for me. What the hell did I do. You know what's funny is that everyone thought that Jerry and I were going to be together for along time. Yeah Right!! It's hard cause I do love Russ and Kaden, but how would I be able to be around them.

I decided to stay home today. I didn't want to go to school today. I don't know how to express my feelings and emotions right now. I feel like just getting really drunk or getting drugged up so I don't have to think about anything going on in my life right now. Lately I've been wanting to either type or write down everything happening in my life at the moment. Last night Russ came and picked Kristi and me up to go get ice cream and talk about things, mostly we talked about Jerry and me. Russ says that I need to experience! He also feels that Kristi, Kelsey, and me are like daughters to him. Well I feel that he is the closet thing to a father to me right now. I really want to know how Jerry feels about me. I think that it is weird how I had always wanted to be with Jerry since 7th grade and now that I have, it's all gone, over with. It's like I never was with him. Tomorrow I have to go to simulators in the morning, but I don't want Mikey to take me in his dumb car. I think I'm just going to think about Jerry, I don't even know if I can look at him ever again. I just want him to leave my mind forever, so it doesn't have to be so hard for me. He always seems to find me in my dreams. Everytime we have broke up, he is in my dreams, everynight. I hope this doesn't happen to me again. I have no idea what I'm going to do this weekend. I'm suppose to go shopping with Kristi and Katherine tomorrow after school. I was thinking of asking Chance if he wanted to go to the movies this weekend. I hope Kelsey goes over to Brandi's house this weekend. I wish I could find someone that has alcohol(have no idea how you spell that). I want to get wasted this weekend. I miss Kelsey so much. I wish she was here right now. Sometimes I wish I'd never gotten together with Jerry, cause then I wouldn't have to go through all this emotional stuff. WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO, SOMEONE TELL ME!! The last few months have been so hard to handle. So much drama has gone on. I feel the need to cry on someone's shoulder. Everyone tells me that the best thing that could come out of me and Jerry's relationship is to be friends. But I don't know if I could be friends right now. It would be to hard, especially since I still have strong feelings for him. I wonder what's going to happen in the next few months. It's going to be weird that's all I know. I feel like just running away to some empty place where it's only me. If only I had a car right now and could drive, then I would leave everything behind and not come back for awhile.